~Random Optimistic Frustration~ (kori)

Tomorrow is February 1, 2013...where is the time going?   Dave and I have almost been married for 9 years this coming valentines day... to all of you that know us and our track history, this is awesome!!  That was supposed to be sort of a joke (Nicole, I need that sarcasm font).  Dave and I have found a new level in our relationship over the past year.  It has been challenging and uplifting, scary and happy.  I have seen Dave sit by my side through hours of waiting.  I have heard him advocating for me when I couldn't.  He has listened to me complain and cry and laugh and be sad and scared.  He has helped me find courage when I wanted to give up.  He tries to understand just where my craziness is coming from at times all while saying he loves me and always will.  He makes me feel safe when I need it and forces me to be strong when I need to be.  His hand is always there for me to hold and always just a phone call away. He reminds me to watch my words at times, which is needed these days.  I would be lost without him.  As sung by Eminem:

"I just wanna love ya, for the rest of my life I wanna hold you in the mornin, hold you through the night"



David and Kori sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G :)



9th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
Traditional Anniversary Gift: Pottery
Modern Anniversary Gift: Leather
Travel Anniversary Gift Ideas: Mexico

I guess I should start this off with a disclaimer.  I have spend the last 2 weeks visiting new doctors, being told new and old things, have been trying to keep up on wife, mom, and friend duties and currently have only had 5 hours or maybe even a little less of sleep before writing this, that said there may be some typos or mispelled words, or maybe even an out of place word, or just plain randomness..

C working on homework with George.

My two best friends Donna and Cherri...I am frustrated I don't get to see you as much as last but optimistic that our friendship is strong enough to endure through this long ordeal.  Thanks for standing by my side always.

Cherri and me!!

Referee and coaching pratice for R.

I started writing this post a few different times, but I was just angry and unhappy.  I was writing from the heart, but it didn't feel very productive.  My emotions have been out of whack to say the least lately, but I really keep wanting to focus on the positive.  I deleted that last few posts and never published them.  I don't what to do with my feelings just yet.  Maybe that will be a later post, I don't know.

Let's just say 2013 hasn't been going according to the plan I thought.  It has had it's up and down's already.  I keep trying to stay optimistic but have some pent up frustrations.  We are starting over it feel like.  Routine doctor check here in with an amazing Dr. Meyers has led to a busy week.  She made some calls after spending time with Nicole and I a few times asking questions.  At the wait and see rate we have taken with the Billings Neurologist Group, we are basically doing nothing and getting no where.  I am not getting worse-optimistic, I am not getting better- frustration.  Living in limbo land is rough.  I personally feel that I would like a doctor look at my records, labs and scans and come back with an anwer of what this is and what we will do to fix it.  I am ready to accept anything, good or bad.  I find my self just wanting to know so I can make decisions.  If I was told I had 2 years to live, I would stop somethings I am doing and start doing other things.  I have been "recovering" since May last year....but my MRI looks the same last week as it did before in August, something is not right.  So now we run more tests.  MRI, EEG, Blood cultures and who knows what else. 

This is my new massage and relaxation chair.

Needed a hand to give blood.....





1 vial today, 4 vials tomorrow, 6 vials the next time...I am optimistic my blood will keep replenishing itself.

 

careful of the scar



The tech calls them expensive dread locks.



26 electrodes went here for 2 hours.

And finally the wierd test is over and I have a new hair due!!!

There is Something About Mary...LOL...this wierd conductive cream though.  Basically tile grout.

I now spend my days wondering if I will ever be normal again....then I hang out with my family and wonder if we ever were normal to start with.  They sure have been awesome this year.  My crazy family.  I love you all!!

C

D

  Trying to keep it normal:

W

w

You fit right in Courtney:)

R

Crazy Cousins

oh J..

This just can't be normal.

Can you see the fun we have....I have to get better, I might be the only sane one in the bunch.

Planking in MT...miss those days.  Go David!






 Well, I think I need to sleep now.  I keep hoping for good news and trying not to be scared.  Put on a smile and go about the day.  Frustration:  might need more brain surgery for a biopsy Optimistic:  shaved my head once and hair grew back.  Frustration: need bigger hospital Optimisitic: they will have answers.  As S says: