A random sort of summer (Kori)



C and R playing doctor "This will only hurt for a second".

 Between loosing teeth and learning to tie their shoes, our kids have also had a crash course in the medical field. When I was discharged from Billings Clinic Hospital back in June, I was set up with Walgreen's Infusion Center to receive my antibiotics and with this service a nurse visited our home every Friday to change the dressing on my PICC line, to take blood work to the lab, and to check my vitals.  Well, each week the nurses that visited were bombarded with questions from our children.  Oh the things they have learned.  Each nurse that came to our house was awesome.  They all took time to answer the kids questions and left them with medical supplies each time.  The kids just love the masks and gloves.  It is pretty amazing that C can walk the nurse through a complete dressing change and remind the nurse to "flush with Heparin" when finished.  (I think we may be creating nurses and doctors in our house!)  Well, the hospital play has carried over to play time with cousins.

C and her cutie cousins ready to help their next patient.





R playing the very hurt patient.

The kids have learned how to hook up heart monitoring pads, change dressings, remove stitches, remove a PICC line, administer antibiotics through a PICC line (and knowing to flush with Saline first and push Heparin in the end), the importance of wearing a mask and gloves, what a sterile field is (and why it is so important) , and so much more. All the dolls in our house have band aids on them somewhere and have been diagnosed with  Pseudomonas or brain abscesses or broken bones or they have something unknown wrong with them and most need surgery STAT.         
I love listening to the kids while they play: 


"We need to double up on your meds."



"I am here to help."



 My nieces just might grow up to be doctors or nurses too!  They will be fancy nurses in heels and pearls of course.  It amazes me how much they have absorbed.  One day I was at their house and they had a cup and string tied around one of their arms, "my picc line, to get my medicine."  They are so smart and creative.

"I think you have a fever."

"Sit still, this has to go into your brain."

"Nurse, we need more Heparin, STAT!"

"There is swelling."

"I hope they can figure out what is wrong with me."

 So, this summer we didn't get to go camping or hiking.  We didn't get in as much reading as I had planned, but we did make it through this crazy ordeal and hopefully kicked the pseudomonas butt (fingers crossed)!! 

Bye Bye Pseudomonas....Party is OVER.

Rest to recovery!

We have a new collection of stuff too...LOL

They will make great squirt guns!

Over the summer our kids learned some life lessons they won't learn in school.  C and R each lost 2 teeth and learned to tie their shoes!!  W has put in extra hours at work and is now taller than his dad. w finished Driver's Ed and has his learners permit!  S traveled to Michigan and to Washington.  We finished out our first year of soccer and D graduated high school and became an Eagle Scout!

R and his cousin on the last day of soccer!

D and Courtney celebrating graduation 2012.

"You know I am an Eagle Scout, I can do anything!!"  D:)

S got into the nursing role and is thinking about nursing school now in a few years!! 

"What is your full name and date of birth?"

We have amazing kids and live in an amazing community!!  My family has been so amazing this summer.  I am so happy my little sister and her beautiful family moved back to Bozeman.  Thank you Russell for taking away that bathtub.  Thank you Nicole for coming over and doing laundry and bringing me coffee.  Thank you to my mom,Carol  for coming over and doing housework and visiting. Thank you to my dad,Gary for being my dad!!  Thank you to Aunt Cindy for cleaning the kitty box and selling cookies.  Thank you Matt for always making me laugh!  Thank you to my middle sister, Angie.  She has been truly wonderful setting up different fundraisers and such for our family.  It was very emotional seeing this in the paper.  It is a strange feeling being the focus of a fundraiser. 

I am so very thankful for all the kindness from people in our community, both from people our family knows and from the anonymous donations.

THANK YOU Christel for being so wonderful and for putting on the Thirty One party. 

THANK YOU Kristen for the painting you donated.

Thank you to all the wonderful people that came to the party.

Thank you!

It has been a very random sort of summer:)

Hair and Ink: Change and Forever



Current hair style!  37 days worth of growth since shaving.

 Some things in life change quickly and other things don't change at all.  Throughout my life I have changed my hair so many times I actually wasn't even sure what my natural hair color is.  (Today I know, which is actually darker than I imagined)  I never wanted my hair to stay the same for too long.  Since this brain abscess ordeal began, I have had the privilege to change my hair pretty frequently again.  (Always trying to find the positive).  Strangely enough I even got to cross off a "bucket list" item.  #21.  Shave my head once.  I didn't even know there were names for some of my styles....

The Skrillex!

The mohawk!

The reverse mohawk!  (This is R's favorite)

The Sinead O'Connor!

Well, overall my body and my hair has been through quite the ordeal.

There has been one form of physical comfort.  My body art.  I love tattoos.  I have to say too, that through out this ordeal, my tattoos have been a huge form of therapy.  I tried to explain this to my father, but I don't think we will ever see eye to eye this topic.  Each one of my tattoos have a deep meaning for me and each one helped me get through some terrifying moment in the hospital.  When the doctors talked about needing to do more surgery because of serious swelling and they needed to life flight us to Denver Swedish Medical Center within the hour, I started to freak out a bit.  I rubbed the tattoo on the back of my neck and talked to my friend Michelle.  She passed away last summer and I told her I loved and missed her, but I was not ready to come be with her in Heaven yet.  I asked her to send me extra angels for the flight and next hospital trip.

Thanks for the angels Michelle.

Many days I sat in the bed hooked up to numerous machines and looked at my foot tattoo.  I thought about how the dragonfly symbolized the crazy helicopter crash Dave survived a few years.  I remembered what a trying time that was in our life and how our family  pulled through and came out stronger than ever.  Each star represents a person in our SCRWD family.  I felt a little closer to each of them at that moment and a bit stronger.  Every day I would flip my wrist over and remind myself again...Patience!!  It will take a lot of it!!!!


I love you Dave.  You are my rock and my forever.




Never enough of this!

Doctors and nurses commented on the tattoo work I have and each time I felt a little more like myself.  In a time when I felt like my body and my brain and my mind where all ganging up against me, my tattoo work was the one thing I could always count on being the same the next day (beside my awesome Dave).  I felt such a comfort with that.  When S was little she would get scared and we would spend hours singing songs from "The Sound of Music".  When she would call or text me and I would beging to hum the words and feel a little more at ease myself. 

Raindrops on roses for my special oldest daughter.

D is quite the artist and one of his highschool art projects lead to a COPE tattoo that I use to keep my own self going today.  The flowers symbolize the need to cope.  Without coping skills, the flower dies.  This  tattoo, besides being drawn by my son, helped me remember to cope with things and stay positive.  To balance out my back, I have my bamboo tattoo.  Bamboo is sooooo strong.  It can bend and bend and bend and never break.  That was the attitude I kept trying to keep during this ordeal and am still trying to keep.  I can bend and bend, but I refuse to break!

Cope and Live, thanks D.



You can bend me, but you can not break me!

 My marriage to Dave has been a fantastic adventure and I have loved every minute of it.  I sat in my hospital bed so amazed by his strength.  Dave and I designed our wedding tattoo together and it is a powerful piece that reminds me of our love and dedication to each other and our family.  Together we will get through this "adventure" and we will come out stronger! 

2-14-04 Vegas Forever.

I know there are many people in this world that have some negative feelings or just plain bad attitudes toward tattoos and people with tattoos.  I wanted to put my feelings out there too.  My tattoos helped through a time when not much else could.  They were the constant in my ever changing world.  They were my own therapy.  They were always very meaningful to me and now are on a much much deeper level. 

D getting his first ink for his 18th b-day.  Cutie C is being supportive. 

Tattoos are forever and that is what you may need one day.

*Thank you to Doug @ Sacred Images in Bozeman, MT for all the great tattoo work and conversations over the years.  Once cleared, we have more in the works.

Broncos and Bimmers (dave)

In my life I have owned somewhere around 40 vehicles so far, I have lost count, and it takes a while to think through them all to come up with the actual number, so around 40 works.  On this list there have been several get-by pieces of crap.  I suppose when your 'number' is this high that is to be expected.  Of course on the list are some loves as well.  Most notably for me are the 4 early broncos entries.  I am not sure where my love of these rigs comes from, might have even been inspired by the movie "Speed".  No matter what fuels the love, it is there burning bright.  I wanted more than anything to build one, and do it how I wanted.  A street truck more than a trail rig.  I spent years accumulating parts to make the build right.  Then reality started to creep in, storing the parts became a logistical issue, space and time to work on it... everything that surrounds an over-ambitious vehicle resto-mod.  A few years back we finally moved into a house with a garage, and I felt it was finally going to be my chance to get around to the build.  However, it just wasn't in the cards, having the space and a majority of the parts didn't overcome the time issue, not to mention the financial aspect of completing a project like this.  I still held out.  I used my latest baby, a 1972 with the 302, to plow the driveway.  It was almost an insult to the beast hidden inside of this, and I harbored the feelings deep inside myself too.  This thing yearned to be so much more, and I desired so much to turn this bronco and the pile of parts into a treasure.  Not to say there haven't been times when we either needed money, or were tired of the obsession, and I made feeble attempts to sell the whole works.  The times before were thinly veiled attempts though, when things seemed to get serious at all, I would pull the ad, or come up with excuses not to sell.  Well, just recently things became more of a reality, and I listed it up with bad intentions to sell this thing.  It didn't take long at all, and the craigslist ad was drawing some results.  The first person to come look at it seemed very serious, he didn't want the parts, but the bronco seemed to be his for sure.  We went to start it up, and I'll be damned if it wouldn't run.  After priming the carb, there was fuel pouring out of the top of the vents.  My heart sunk, because as hard as it was to part with this thing, the fact that something was vastly wrong with it was a completely new wound.  We parted ways with me promising to diagnose the problem and try to fix it, he promised to call me back in the morning.  Thankfully after using the great Google as my diagnostic tool, I was able to figure out the problem and it wasn't major at all.  After a few moments, I was able to have it running and driving again.  I parked it for the night with mixed emotions.  My baby was ready to go, but that also meant it was ready to GO.  In the morning I started to work on removing the plow, as I was nearly positive the gentleman from the night before was going to buy it, and he didn't want any of the parts with it.  After about an hour and a half, I finally got all the plow parts off, it wasn't much later the phone rang.  Only, it wasn't the gentleman from the night before, it was a new interest.  He was close to the area, and came right over.  After not even 10 minutes, he was sure he wanted it, and the 'good' part, he wanted all the parts except the plow.  He wrote me a check, and left me to gather parts and get the title notarized.  Now the emotions were really up and down, we are at a time in our lives where the money can definitely be put to better use.  And, we are trying to make changes in our lives moving forward, and at this time a project vehicle doesn't exactly fit into that plan.  The down side of course is the loss of a dream, the parting with an old love.  Who knows what the future holds, but for now this sale brings the end of an era.. the end of the bronco era.  It is with a heavy heart that I accept the fact that I will be without a bronco, but they have brought some great memories, and those memories won't die if we don't let them!

There is also some good news to this story.  There are other loves on the list!  Namely, our latest vehicle purchase, a 2003 BMW 325xi.

I have not enjoyed driving another car I have ever owned as much as this one.  This is partially because I upgraded from a 1990 Toyota Corolla that was eating tires, uncomfortable, loud, and downright scary.  But even despite that, this car stands on its own.  It loves to chew up miles on the interstate, and for those who know my love of driving quickly, this car does not disappoint.  Last year we took a trip out to Portland, roughly a 10 hour trip, and my goodness it was comfortable.  I don't believe I have ever been in a car that I can tolerate a long drive quite like this.  It turns out they truly do make the ultimate driving machine.  This car is by far the nicest car on my entire list.  However, it still leaves room for an upgrade to an M3, but that will have to be a different story somewhere down the highway.  For now I hope your travels are safe, and maybe I'll see you out there in an M3, or who knows... even an early bronco :)

My Worst Day.... Ever (dave)

Well, this is my first solo post here. I decided I should do like Kori and lay it out there in an attempt to let it go and move forward. Maybe not let it go, but try to stop letting it hold me back. It occurred to me during this whole process that we can't re-feel the same emotions that we feel in some extreme situations in our lives. We can remember how we felt at the time, but we can't re-feel it. I think there is a part of us that feels a little guilty inside for not being able to re-feel it. We try to re-connect with how we felt so we can re-live it for some odd reason. Despite my best efforts, I can't re-sit on that bench waiting for word, and I can't re-sit at the edge of the bed confused and horrified. I guess this is probably for the best, and it is the start to emotional healing. For me it has been weird, to see all of the emotions people have after the fact, partially because I lived such intense emotions and have seen things much worse off than they are now. The other reason I am beginning to understand, is that a little piece of my emotional connection to this has been numbed. I can try to focus now on Kori's healing, and her progress every day getting a little bit better (even in spite of a couple setbacks). However, buried somewhere not so deep inside of me is a tremendous fear and a ball of emotions that I keep trying to choke back. So here we go, I am going to share the story of my worst day ever in an attempt to release some of this burden...

It was a Sunday, a normal Sunday by most accounts. Things were getting better. Kori and I had her family over the night before for dinner. She ate well, and everyone had a good time. She was at home recovering from Viral Meningitis. She had been released just a week before, and we knew it was going to take a little while before she was back up to full speed. She had been trying to ween herself off of the pain medication, but was actually cutting them in half and quarters to stretch them. Perhaps that should have been the first warning sign. She is the toughest person I think I have ever met in my life, and the fact that she was still in pain should have been a red flag. But, like I said she is tough, and she wanted to be better. The day was uneventful, Kori rested and the kids played. It took a shift from smooth sailing to concern at around 4:30. I had put a lasagna into the oven for dinner, S was across the street at her friend's house, and our two littlest ones were home playing. I was checking on dinner when C came downstairs and told me that Kori needed me. I went up to the bathroom to find her on sitting on the floor having just vomited. I asked her what was going on, and she said she was having a headache and felt horribly nauseous. I asked if she felt like she needed to go in, and she said she didn't know. We decided we would call my mother (a Nurse Practitioner) and get her opinion on what to do. After checking her temperature, we thought that it was weird, but this is most likely something un-related to the meningitis. We should make sure she can keep down some fluids, and watch things. At this point, my focus returned to dinner and the kiddos. Running downstairs to check the oven, and then back up to check on Kori. I had a feeling of almost annoyance as she continued to sit on the floor in the bathroom, moaning in pain. I don't know where that annoyance came from, and it is a large regret I carry with me still. I should have known, this tough lady was in pain, and she can handle more than her fair share. Still believing that it was just a flu and headache, I 'encouraged' her to get up and get into bed. Almost like a father with a child wanting to stay home from school. I closed the door to let her rest without the kids bothering her, and almost so I wouldn't be bothered. After a little bit, I went back up to the bedroom asking her again what was wrong. Things started to change somewhat quickly from that point. Now she was feeling weird, and the pain in her head was focused on the right side. She said she just felt weird and couldn't explain it well to me. Still trying to multi-task, I ran up and down the stairs to check on the oven and to check in with Kori. I kept asking her if she thought we should go in (to the ER), and she kept saying she didn't know, she just felt weird. The weird feeling grew into a numbness creeping down her left side. At this point I decided we should go in. I put her slippers on, and called S to come home from the neighbors so she could watch the little ones while we ran up to the ER. Before she could even get home, Kori started to act very strange. Her face almost went blank, she was staring beyond me. Her body tensed up and her breathing accelerated. Her speak became slurred and confused. I immediately felt a panic crawl over my entire body. I kept talking to her trying to stay calm. Her breathing continued to grow faster, and her body was very rigid at this point. She began to convulse and her breathing became very fast and labored. She began to foam at the mouth, and all I could do was sit there and try to calm her down. I can't relay the feelings the raged through my mind and body, terrified and helpless are the two closest things, but they don't begin to describe the horror that had overtaken me. I wasn't sure if I was watching my wife die in our bed right in front of me. I had never seen a seizure before, but I knew that's what it was. As she began to relax and come back, I immediately called 911. I again am at a loss to explain how my own voice sounded as I explained to the dispatcher that my wife had just had a seizure. I knew this was out of my league, and all I needed at that moment in time was someone to come help me. And come they did. I had S home now, and I told her to call her grandma because the paramedics were on their way to take their mom to the hospital. She did amazing, taking the little ones downstairs and keeping them occupied and calm. I kept running up and down the stairs looking for the ambulance, and back to Kori's side. She was groggy and confused, I tried to reassure her, and explain what was happening. The paramedics were lightening fast, and I am forever grateful for that. As I was trying to explain everything that had happened and led up to this night, Kori began to stiffen up again and started to seize for the second time. At this point they sedated her, and loaded her onto a back board. Some firefighters had since arrived, and with help from everyone, they carried Kori down the stairs and loaded her onto the cart and rolled her out to the ambulance. Before they could even close the doors, Kori's sister Angie pulled into the driveway. This woman has been more than an angel to her sister and my family. I will never have sufficient words to express my gratitude to her. I tried to tell her what I could, but she didn't need anything, she stepped in immediately and took our kids under her wings. I was now able to shift my focus to Kori. I jumped into our envoy and followed the ambulance the few blocks to the hospital.

I did my best to keep everything together and explain all the events to the ER doctor, thank goodness it was the same Dr. that had taken care of her our last visit for the meningitis. All I could focus on was that Kori was in pain. She kept complaining about it, and I kept asking if there was something they could do for it. I was told that we needed to wait and see what was going to happen. I was told that there was a very large concern since Kori had seized more than once. They sent her for a CT scan, and I took the opportunity during that lull to make calls and fill everyone in. This family that I have been accepted into has risen to the occasion in such a huge way, I can't explain how blessed I feel to have them all in my life. It didn't take long before Kori's parents and her sister had rallied together at the hospital. Kori's CT showed a definite issue in her right temporal lobe, and they wanted to do an MRI to get a better look. I was still concerned with Kori's pain level, because she kept telling me how much she didn't want to hurt anymore. Talking to the Dr. again, it finally started to make sense why they were putting off the pain meds. They felt that there was a significant chance that Kori could seize again, and they were worried that if she did so while she was in the MRI, it could ruin the scan and they would have to start over. Their recommendation was to intubate her and sedate her. I gave consent and they wasted no time pushing tubes into her and basically paralyzing her. As horrible as it was to see her with the tubes and breathing machine, it was a little relief to know she wouldn't seize and that she was no longer in pain. The MRI came back in what seemed like an eternity, they were sending scans immediately to Billings, and had already made the decision that she couldn't stay in Bozeman, whether it was operable or not. After a discussion about where it would be best to send her, it was decided that a life flight to Billings Clinic Hospital with surgery to follow Monday morning was the best choice. Initially I was told I would be able to ride with her in the helicopter, but due to load and weather, they felt it would be too much in the helicopter with me along. So I would drive, there wasn't really a decision to make at that point, even being asked if I would be OK to drive, or if I wanted someone to come with me, I knew I was leaving the second she did.

The drive was quick, not just speed, but it was a little bit of a blur, rainy, emotional and adrenalin fueled drive. I was glad no one was with me at that point, it is easier to cry and let it out when there isn't anyone else there. When I arrived at Billings Clinic, I was allowed immediately into her room, she had been there a little while and had already been settled in. I was glad to see she was what I would describe as alert. She appeared to recognize me, and I talked to her. It was a long night in a hard chair, but I wouldn't have traded it for a second anywhere other than right by her side. Sleep at this point was a waste of thought. For the most part I was alone with my thoughts and though I struggled to keep them positive, the fear became too much at times. I had talked with a couple Dr.s and then even the Neuro surgeon who would do Kori's surgery. The time couldn't come quick enough, even though it was one of the scariest things I have ever faced. The time blurred into waiting and trying to communicated with Kori. Her baby sister showed up early in the morning, and I was glad to see her, someone to talk with, and be scared with. It didn't take long and Kori's whole family was there, ready to be supportive and anything they could do. It was a welcome reprieve from the invading thoughts. After what seemed like a week, they were finally ready to take her to surgery. Aside from the seizure, watching them wheel her out of the ICU to an operating room, was the closest thing to living a nightmare that I have ever experienced. The fear, the unknown, and the emotions overcame me at that point. I took a little walk and found a bench tucked away in a corner, I sat down and completely broke down. It felt good to let go for a minute, and release some of that pent up anguish. It didn't take too long and I was able to pull it back together and rejoin everyone waiting. Trying to stay positive and pass the time, it was truly amazing to have so much support there. When they came back and gave us the news that Kori was out of surgery and it had gone well, a huge weight was lifted off my chest. We had been warned that it could take up to a full day before Kori would be alert and able to correspond with us again. Not knowing what to expect, we worked our way through the ICU to her room, and were greeted by Kori being awake and alert. She was already trying to communicate with us through sign (a skill I wish I had taken more time to learn at that point). It was amazing, I almost felt guilty the rest of the day smiling even walking through the ICU waiting room, surrounded by the pain and sorrow that plagues ICUs. But, it just didn't matter, my worst day ever had come to an end. I knew there was still a lot of unknowns, and a long road to recovery. I didn't know yet of the setbacks and additional life flight, but nothing has compared to those hours of despair. And I am grateful to push forward with that in mind!